Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
