Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
