He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
