she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
