Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
