dude i'm inner monologue high
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
