i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
