New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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