I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
