I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
