why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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