is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
