Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
