he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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