All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
