I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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