So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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