All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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