worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
