I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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