I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
