Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
