i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
