I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
