Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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