I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
