Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
