drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need to sanitize my soul.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
