your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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