How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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