I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
