i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
