She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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