I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
