Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
