if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
