i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
