Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
