the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
