where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
