I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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