Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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