I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
