Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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