Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
