I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
