he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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