so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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