blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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