just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
