hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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