Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
