Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
