Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
